Wait, Easter's soon, right?

Instead of involving eggs this year, I suggest that we involve bats. You know, the flying things? Yeah, those. Place a bat inside a regular size egg and glue it shut. If it doesn't fit, make it fit. Paint it all yellow with a hint of rouge on the entire shell. Then, lick your egg goodbye and throw it at a kid. Your bat will simultaneously burst from its artificial shell, never being alive until now of course, and will attack the child with a vengeance only known to those of rehabilitation wards. You can paint battle stripes on your bat if you want.

To steal your bat from its cave you:

A) Rip the head off of a tortoise with your teeth, being sure to swallow any excess blood.

B) Get distracted and go buy some bat pheromones, conveniently sold in the beautification section of your local pharmacy (the closest one is usually underground).

C) Drink at least 3L (3000 mL) of bat pheromones before attempting entrance, for if you don't, you will be ripped to shreds by your bat friends.

D) Tiptoe into the bat cave, being sure to sing any song from before 1894 as loud as you can.

E) Bats should immediately approach you, but if they don't, try dousing yourself with the saliva of a rabid chipmunk, or better yet, bring one with you, or even better yet, get bitten by a rabid chipmunk.

F) By now, you have enough bats to stuff one inside an eggshell.

Have fun getting violated! Oh, did I not mention that part? Ah, I didn't realize.......

Well, I missed Cghrckistmas

Get a santa suit. Go down a chimney. Poison the milk with dart frogs. Somehow climb back up. Ride a reindeer off of the roof and avoid injury as you fall. Strip to the nude and run home sobbing your dead reindeer in your arms. Nurse the reindeer back to life in your bathtub using suspicious liquids which you picked up on the way home from shady men wearing trenchcoats. Bring your reindeer into your room and show him the night of his life. Call the house you broke into the next morning. Make sure the child is somewhat injured.

In retrospect, do this next year. Too much advanced planning is required. However, if you have a time machine...

Well it's been a while

And Easter is coming up how convenient! Here's what to do

1. construct a molitave cocktail inside of an eggshell and tape it shut. The kid will paint it and then hide it. Once they hide it, activate the bomb. When the kid goes looking for it again, it should explode if you did it correctly. Good luck and dont eat too much chocolate!

Christmas Follies

Wrap a bomb in the most colorful wrapping paper you can find. Then, climb down a chimney and put it by the tree. Be aware to leave as much soot and ash from the fireplace as you can around the tree, and if you would like to enhance the effect, pour a few gallons of oil all over the house as well. If you do this correctly, the house will go up in flames. Also, please make sure the parents are out that night so that only the children are home. You don't want any trouble with the parents. Believe me.

The Final Countdown!

I found a great site for pranks to play on trick-or-treaters. Check it out!

Pre-Halloween Jitters

The funniest thing to do is scare little kids on Halloween. Come up with any gag you want, just make sure it is something parents will complain about when they visit your house on Halloween. This could include chainsaws, axes, bulldozers, strobe lights, creepy voices, haunted stuff, jumping skeletons, flying ghosts, or grave-digging. It's really up to you! I'll keep you posted...

So that's all you need to know! If you need any more help, just call our toll free number at 617-467-sendthekidstoheaven, and you will succeed.

Any more help?

The Cute Animal Lure

Get a cute stuffed animal, but spray paint it pink or something. Put it on the ground and have a net ready. I swear, when I did this i got like 60 kids man. Definitely take their money.

Melanie's Emporium:



Or just use one of these:

Easter Mania

1. Fill the egg with any gross substance
2. Do not boil the egg but paint it
3. "egg" people
4. Give out "chocolate" eggs
   

Give them what they deserve

This one's just easy:

Walk up to any little kid and:

1. smack them in the face


2. throw/push them off a cliff


3. give them poison


4. start giving away free chainsaws


5. start a lemonade stand, but keep all the cash and force the kid to make the lemonade


6. send them on a visit to a jail or haunted house


7. get them free sneakers (it will come in handy later)


8. send them valentines with poison in the chocholate hearts


9. buy stuff off them with conterfeit money

So yeah! Try it!

..........The one on the right is me......................

I don't feel like writing today...

But I will!


How to get kids let you into their house



1. Pick a time when their parents aren't home, and knock repeatedley at their door.
2. After a while, they should come.
3. Wave a candy bar in the window; they will let you in.
4. Do what you like.



Luring candy bars:

How to make kids jump off a cliff

1. Get a kid to follow you because you showed them fake candy.

2. Once you get to a cliff, throw the candy off, and they will follow it.

3. Have fun!

How to get kids to eat poisonis candy

1. Make candy that has poison in it. Wrap it up so it looks like store-bought candy.

2. Scout around town to find some kids sitting in their car while their mom goes shopping.

3. Beckon to them to come out. When they do, tell them you have candy. Give it to them. They will eat it.

There are variations of this like taking them to your car or house first before you give them the candy.

Luring Candy: